Monday, November 7, 2011

Advertising the jam sessions: tits to that!

Advertising every session every week is as much of a challenge as describing every session every week. I have put ads on Melband, which is a blog related to all thing musical in Melbourne, Australia. God knows if the ads worked... some very weird people have turned up on occasion, but I am consoled by the thought  that quite a lot of equally weird people haven't... so here goes: 

You are not allowed to say “tits” on the website any more:" Drop in and blow the tits off your fave toon or three, in front of an audience that is house-trained, enthusiastic, confused and friendly."

Kylie Minogue! "The jazz jams are a great opportunity to meet other musos, do a little networking on the side, set up the Next Big Thing, or Medium Sized thing if you prefer, try out a toon or three, whatever. Kylie Minogue won't be there this week. Probably. I haven't checked with her management."

Where is it? "The Leinster Arms, Gold Street, Collingwood - its half a falafel North of Johnson Street if you are a quick eater..."

A Warm welcome: "The beer is cheap, the audience have absolutely no taste in music but like it just the same and a warm welcome is assured."

The week after a busy session...no-one is expected to be there at all. This is your opportunity to launch your gigging career, play to an empty house, monopolise a vacant stage, indulge your inner muse, polish up your ukulele, maybe even play in tune (with yourself perhaps?). There again, there could be any number of musos to meet, some of whom are alarmingly normal, not all of whom are on medication, and most of whom will be happy to jam on a toon or three..

 A Suitable Motto perhaps: "Enthusiasm essential, charts a bonus, performance anxiety optional and competence to be well concealed as a kindness to others"

Chops? This is an opportunity to try out new stuff, develop your chops, whatever they are, and network with other musos. Or just drink beer.

It's free!: "Jazz musos invited, everyone else just welcome..."


Questions:" Send an e-mail for more information. (Can I play Coltrane? What's a chart? Where's the effin' Royal Standard? Can I play excerpts from The Sound of Music? Can Coltrane play excerpts from The Sound of Music? Do I feel smug if I know the answer to that last question?..."

Competence: "Jazz musos of all levels of incompetence (from the profound through stupefyingly to slightly) are respectfully requested to front up, deny everything and then blow the tits off their favourite tune - or just sit back and get in the groove. Hortense likes that....  "

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